stress.

Today, in the middle of summer, when life is supposed to be relaxing, I am here to write about stress.

I can assure you (pinky promise) that sometime during the year, I will most certainly be back to write about the stress I feel during the school year. This year is a big year for me at school, and the impending intensity of it is enough to make me feel as if I cannot breathe.

I really am enjoying my summer. Really! It’s a great time for me to put aside a lot of stress and troubles and just enjoy myself, since I am never able to do that during the year.  Except, my problem this summer is worrying about the year.  Already. Halfway through summer and I am already stressing about the year to come.  SATs, ACTs, the International Baccalaureate program I am beginning this year at school, college, dance, and of course, my driver’s test.

Okay, let’s hit these things one at a time, and see if I can convince myself (and maybe you) that they’re not worth stressing over.  I have a lot of high achieving friends, and many times, they stress me out with their constant talk of the SATs.  They say they will be studying one hour a day during the summer, and ordered huge books, and will be taking the old ones in the fall. Meanwhile, I haven’t taken a single look at a book, or my PSATs since I took them in the fall.  I would think, “Well, I don’t want to study everyday! That’s insane! But, should I be studying everyday? I don’t know anything!” which would send me into a fit of tears, and cause me to continually nag my mother to sign me up for something.  There is a tutoring center nearby me, where I have been taken diagnostic tests and will begin prepping for the new SATs in the spring.  Even though we are on the road to success, I am still worried about not taking the old SATs, taking the ACTs instead of the SATs, not to mention I still need to study for the subject tests, when I will ever study for these, and my score on them, because all of that matters for college.

The reasons I am so worried about finding time for the SATs/ACTs is because of my school’s rigorous IB program I will be beginning next year.  I’ve done fine these past few years, but this year is supposed to be hard.  I hardly had time to complete my work this year, but with more and much harder work, how will I ever get it done? And what if I don’t get it? And what if I don’t get good grades? Colleges don’t want Bs and Cs, which is what I’m worried I will get.  The teachers will be harder, the courses harder, and I don’t know how I will make it through.  My mom keeps telling me that I will make it through, whether I need a tutor or I need to go back to normal high school (never will happen) or move around my dance schedule.  I just want to go to a great school.

So, college. Like I said earlier, my friends are very crazy about academics.  They are talking schools like UPenn and Princeton, and I am not aiming that high, but I want to go to a great school.  I’ve been looking at some schools online, and I’ve been nixing them if their acceptance rate is too high.  Doesn’t matter if I would have liked the school, I would never want to go somewhere that I would be made fun of cause anyone could have gotten in. Mostly, I’m worried about getting into a school, which is, like I said earlier, why I am so stressed about tests and grades.  Which stinks, because I really should be just worried about finding the right school for me.  I am not so much concerned for that, because I already have 5 college tours lined up, one of which is my dream school: The New York University, in New York City, one of my favorite places in the world (tied with Paris, bien sur). I know I will find somewhere, but what if other people don’t think it’s good enough, and I’m laughed at? What if, what if, what if?

And the thing that multiplies all of this stress by 10, is dance.  At the end of the last school year, I received a scholarship at my studio which allows me to take class during the 2015-16 season entirely free.  It is an amazing honor (yay me!) and I am so excited to have it. Except, normally, whoever gets the scholarship is supposed to take 11-12 classes, on top of competition rehearsals.  This could total 15-20 hours a week. I love dance, and I can’t wait to be there so much! But, I am just wondering how in the world I will ever get my work done if I am at the studio for 2-3 hours a day! I need dance; it is an outlet and many times a stress reliever, and an escape from the world.  So, I know that I will make it work, as I have in the past.

Honestly, this post was really just a place to let all of my stresses go. I know, somehow, with my craziness, that I will get it all done.  It’ll all work out, though I can’t see it now.  I think that the best thing to do when you’re stressed is to worry about as little as possible.  Only worry about the things you can do something about now.  Like, for instance, right now, the only SAT/ACT item I should be concerned with is my ACT diagnostic test on Tuesday.  I can’t worry about my scores yet, as I haven’t even started tutoring, nor have I even signed up for the tests yet! It’s so irrelevant right now.  I should be enjoying my summer, my job, and time with friends.  ONLY WORRY ABOUT TODAY. My words of wisdom for the day.

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